I quit my job as a money transporter for a better job as a taco vendor - at least so I thought.
Turning in my keys for the last time, I was a little sad to see my beast of a truck, one loaded down with money, go quietly into the garage, but I knew my life had nothing to do with moving money anymore. Instead, I was going to get a job as a taco vendor. After all, what builds an appetite more than criminal activities or planting evidence as Los Santos' finest? I am here to satisfy their hunger for the best tacos in LS!
So I took a CityBee over to the taco shop and applied. I was hired instantly. I guess I shouldn't be shocked...it's not like it's money. With a truck full of 10 tacos, I hit the road and did my best to sell what I could to feed my wives and kid.
At one stop, I found a bunch of people hanging around downtown, so I tried the direct approach.
"You look hungry!" I said. They laughed. "I know you want some tacos!" I replied. Before I knew it, they jumped on my taco truck and scuffed my paint. At least two even pulled out a bat and threatened me. I was afraid for my life!
But I played it cool and managed to talk them down and they put the bats away. Just then, someone ran out of a nearby store, punched one of them, took their vehicle, and they ran to try to recover it. They were successful, and the assailant lay on the floor for a few seconds. "All that fighting must've worked up your appetite!" I shouted. They still didn't go for the bait. Instead, they laughed again and went about their physical disagreement in the middle of downtown Los Santos. I knew I wasn't going to sell tacos there, so I decided to move on.
I headed to the north of the island. I didn't encounter many people on my way except for those passing my taco truck. But when I got to the north east of the island, I looked behind me to see a LEO trailing behind. Did someone kick out my tail light? Maybe those hood rats took their bat to my signals? I don't think I was speeding... I wasn't sure, so I pulled over onto the shoulder where nothing but sand and a guard rail were present to celebrate my arrival.
Immediately, I was ordered to turn off my engine, so I did. The LEO stepped from his vehicle with two others and they approach, opening the side of my taco truck and defiling the delicious meals waiting eagerly inside for a new home. "Good evening, gentlemen!" I shouted from my taco truck, hoping they were just hungry. "You look hungry! Can I interest you in tacos?" The officer who looked to be in charge approached my passenger window and began asking a series of questions. Before I know it, another officer pulls up behind me. Then another. And another. By this time, I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong.
"License, please, sir," the lead officer says to me. I hand him my licenses, which I had a standard and CDL, and he looks them over. Then, he walks back to the side of my taco truck and buys all 10 tacos - which were priced very high. "Ooops, I bought all of your tacos," he said. I was excited. I'd been trying to sell them for a while now.
"No problem, sir! I can go get you more!" I watched as the officer devoured his taco as if his hunger was the biggest criminal in Los Santos and I looked on as he spread the tacos to his fellow officers - all who were now surrounding my taco truck.
Awesome! I just sold all of my tacos. I'll go get refilled and head back out this way. At least half of the officers haven't eaten yet and that's more money for me!
When finished, the officer let me go, so I immediately made a U-turn off of the shoulder and flipped around into the other lane. I continued on course to my destination to refill on delicious tacos. But, I didn't get very far. Only a mile or two down the road, I looked back and saw the blue and red lights of the police behind me. I pulled onto the shoulder again and, when the officer approached my vehicle, I said, "All sales are final! You can't give the tacos back!" With a few laughs, the new lead LEO approached my vehicle (with my engine off) and told me why they were pulling me over. The U-turn I made was illegal.
"You just busted a fat a** illegal U-turn in front of us after I just bought a bunch of tacos from you! You took advantage of me!" I didn't even think about it. Was it illegal, I don't know. But, the money I made was now on the line as the LEOs were now starting to show up car by car behind my poor taco truck.
"Your hunger is my priority, sir!" I replied to him, hoping he would buy it. He didn't. Instead, I bought a ticket for an illegal U-turn and the LEO made some of his taco money back.
So, I decided to turn to feeding the criminals. After I refilled my taco truck, I headed over to a gas station on the north of the island where a bunch of people were congregating. It looked like a good place to make a buck or two with tacos, so I turned in there to see if their life of crime has made them hungry. Indeed, it did!
Not long after I pulled in and setup my taco truck, I was approached by a gentlemen who was clearly wearing gang clothing, and he said to me, "Yo! You selling tacos? I never seen a taco truck with the side opened like that." The side of my taco truck was still open from getting bought out by the LEOs.
"Yeah, it's opened because I just got hustled by the cops. But I refilled. You want some tacos?" I threw a few one liners in there too just to make the crowd happy enough to eat. The one standing near me went for it.
"How much are they?" That's a question I dread to hear. It's because I can set the price of the tacos up to 1k and if people are hungry enough, they'll pay for them. So, I started there.
"One thousand dollars per taco," I replied. What I forgot about is that there's a base fee, so once the taco is purchased for one thousand dollars, there's still a charge on top of it. My client wasn't happy when I told him the price.
"Yo! That's way too much. There's a store behind me that has tacos for like $400." I felt bad. I felt like a guy who was just trying to feed his wives and kid and this hoodlum is now questioning my taco prices. I took pity on him for a minute and decided to try to come to an agreement.
"Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll drop the price of the taco to $500. Does that work?" He agreed, so I dropped the taco price, still forgetting about the base fee. He purchased a taco, paid the $500 for the taco, then had to pay the base fee on top of it, which was just short of $1,000 total.
"You hustled me! I still paid $1,000 for this taco!"
Oops!
With that, his anger overwhelmed him and he put his boot through the right headlight of my trusty taco truck. CRUNCH! I didn't panic, though. My insurance will pay for the damage. However, my engine was now stalled. I had the bright idea to let him know my insurance will cover his taco rage, and that I was sorry, but if he wanted another taco, I could lower the price to $800 total. "What? Your insurance has you covered?! Good!" He then repeatedly kicked the back of my what-i-thought-was-a-tank of a taco truck and busted it up. It was looking really humble now. I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd show them I was cool enough to be part of their gang and I decided to peel out! But, I found out the taco truck doesn't peel out and I just looked like a fool who stepped on the gas while the transmission was in neutral.
I finally just pulled forward, looking like a loser, and got back on the road looking for another group of people who were hungry. After all, like Los Santos, hunger never sleeps!
Not to fear, though! I know another spot to get my taco money. A spot where crime never sleeps. A spot where drugs fuel the underground. A spot where the fishermen (and women) work tirelessly to bring in money as well. I'm headed to the pier!
I knew I could clear the rest of my tacos at the pier, so I shot for the moon and maxed out the price. I drove down to the pier without incident and parked on the wooden planks making up the entirety of the boardwalk. Nearby, people were parked and a couple of LEOs had their sirens going while onlookers gawked at the scene. Now's my chance! All of this violence has to have worked up peoples' appetites.
I stayed in my taco truck until the LEOs left, hoping they wouldn't see me and recognize me from earlier - I've already racked up a U-turn fine and don't want anymore trouble, since I can barely afford the ticket in the first place. Once they left, I approached the group of people to see if they were hungry.
"How much for tacos?" They asked.
"One thousand dollars plus the base fee of $400," I replied. They laughed.
"I'm not giving you a thousand dollars for a taco!" They said. "You're tripping!"
"These are the best tacos in Los Santos. I guarantee they'll nuke your hunger and you'll nuke the toilet after!" They didn't like my answer. So, they proceeded to beat the hell out of my already-torn-up taco truck. I had no choice but to duck inside and wait for the mob to tire out. Eventually, they did. "Hey! I need to pay for that damage! Buy some tacos! You look like you've worked up an appetite!" They punched and kicked my truck a few more times, but then mumbled as they walked away. Perhaps, they felt guilty about attacking a poor taco vendor who's just trying to feed them. Then again, in Los Santos, pity is for the weak.
Now, I've realized I'm a failure at selling tacos (I've even resorted to dancing on the side of the road near my taco truck as people passed by before I got shut down by the cops), I'm not sure what to do. Do I continue to sell tacos to the cops, knowing they're out there fighting crime and willing to buy tacos, but also willing to ticket me for a U-turn when I was only trying to refill on delicious tacos to keep them fed? Do I turn to a life of crime, knowing that's where the real money is made? Do I just go be a lumberjack and chop wood all day?
I don't know the answer to the question, but I do know that taco vending isn't for the feint of heart. To all the taco vendors in Los Santos - I salute you!
